The Third Kid Chronicles

How many kids do you have?  A couple?  More than 3?  If you do, you know as well as I do that you're not doing things the same with your second (or third or fourth), that you did when you had just one.  I enlisted the help of my sister Becky (we have 7 children between the two of us), and as the text messages were flying back and forth, we were both laughing hysterically.  All of us mommies are living parallel lives.  We really are.

Here are some examples we came up with of differences in parenting as the number of offspring has increased.  Enjoy!


Bedtime:

1st Kid:  There is a long and drawn out bedtime routine that includes book reading and singing.  He is gently rocked to sleep for each nap and bedtime until the age of 18 months.
2nd Kid:  "Here you go into your crib, nighty night!"
3rd Kid:  "Uh honey?  We should probably get the baby down...when was the last time he slept?"

Eating:

1st Kid:  Given a well balanced meal that contains all 4 food groups.  All meals and snacks are given on a prompt daily schedule.
2nd Kid:  2 or 3 food groups?  We're good to go.  Schedule is loose but discernable.
3rd Kid:  Goldfish and a cheese stick for lunch?  Why not?  We're gonna be late to Kid #1's baseball game!

Classes:

1st Kid:  Gymboree, Music Together, play groups, the more the better!  These are essential for their social and behavioral development.
2nd Kid:  What is the age range of kids allowed again?  (that alone determines whether any classes will be attended).
3rd Kid:  Does running around the soccer field with a toddler I don't know during Kid #2's weekly soccer practice count?

Learning:

1st Kid:  You sit and work on their numbers and letters, making up all kinds of fun games and perfecting their knowledge in the peace and quiet of your tidy home.
2nd Kid:  You just pray that they pick up on this stuff somehow.  Sprout?  Didn't they say something about pre-school on tv?
3rd Kid:  You pay the oldest to teach them.  E is for Entrepreneurship.

Organization:

1st Kid:  There is a place for every toy and they are all picked up and put away before each nap and before bed time.
2nd Kid:  The toys make it to their designated "areas" at least once a day.  It looks tidy, but don't look inside any closets or toy bins.
3rd Kid:  There is a clear path from each person's bed to the nearest exit, you know, in case of an emergency.

Sanitization:

1st Kid:  If the pacifier hits the ground, it is immediately sanitized, or even better, a clean spare is presented.
2nd Kid:  If the pacifier hits the ground, a quick wipe on mom's pants or shirt will do.
3rd Kid:  Retrieved right off the ground (every time... *sigh*).

Large Motor Skills:

1st Kid:  You run next to them while they ride their perfectly sized bike with their perfectly sized helmet.  You cry with pride and excitement when you let go and they ride on their own for the first time.  (you have a video of this exact moment, don't you?)

2nd Kid:  Well, the small kiddy bike with training wheels is worn out with pieces missing, so we'll just go ahead and put them on the one with 16" wheels and hope for the best.  They have to keep up, right?  That tiny little bike just won't do.  They'll get it eventually.

3rd Kid:  The third child is actually encouraged to wear a helmet at ALL times.  At some point they must have found a bike lying around because I think I saw them riding it the other day.


Cleanliness:

1st Kid:  Gets bathed every night or any time they get a little dirty, regardless if they need it or not.
2nd Kid:  Gets bathed about every other night, or on the nights that the first child didn't eat spaghetti with his hands, finger paint his hair, roll in the dog's bed or decide to swim in the mud puddle in the backyard.
3rd Kid:  Third kid gets bathed with wipes.  (Costco wipes preferably).

Naptime:


1st Kid:  The house is absolutely silent for naps and you have a strict nap schedule.  You peacefully read a book or do a little laundry to eat up time, and are SOOO excited when they wake up.  You missed them!

2nd Kid:  It's all about getting them to sleep at the same time and it is your goal in life to ensure that this happens.  This is where the "magic sleep loop" comes in handy.  You all have one, admit it.  Load the kids in the car, strap them in with their blankies and go for a little drive.  Works like a charm.

3rd Kid:  Nap schedule?  Haha.  Naps are in the car (always) and the rare occasion they're not, mommy has learned the value of a little gem we call the "white noise machine".  If there is ever an emergency, I'm grabbing the kids first and then my white noise machine.  (note to self:  must clear path to white noise machine).

Preparing for an Outing


1st Kid:  Clothes are pressed and matching perfectly.  Hair is done, teeth are brushed (by mom or dad) and there are 2 spare outfits in the perfectly organized diaper bag just in case.

2nd Kid:  Gets clothes that match with a little wrinkle releaser spray to take the edge off.  Hair product thrown in to look like it's done.  Teeth are brushed most of the time.

3rd Kid:  Allowed to dress themselves and brushing of hair and teeth is on Kid #1's sticker chore chart.

Toy Guns:


1st Kid:  The first "violent toy" that entered the house was a Nerf Gun for Kid #1's 7th birthday.
2nd Kid:  Well, the oldest was 7, so that means age 5 for Kid #2.
3rd Kid:  Kid #3 frequently a.) runs around in his diaper chasing his brothers with the Nerf Shotgun or b.) makes shooting noises while pointing his sippy cup at anyone who passes.


Love:


1st Kid:  You can't image loving anyone as much as you do your first little baby.
2nd Kid:  Wow.  How is it possible that you can love this one just as much as the first?
3rd Kid:  The baby is loved just as much as the others, plus the love of their older brothers and sisters who care for them as much as you do.  What a gift:)


How we adore these precious little souls, and how these differences help mold their awesome and unique personalities.  I have learned to embrace the differences and to laugh a little.  These will be good stories to tell to our grandchildren someday, don't you think?

Checking Your Oil and Fueling Up (and I'm not talking about your car)

I'll never forget my first car.  It wasn't the fanciest thing in the world, but man I loved it.  The "silver bullet" as my sister and I lovingly called it, was our key to freedom and along with that freedom came some obvious responsibilities.  One of those annoying responsibilities to fill up the car once it hit 1/4 tank.  The other was to check my oil.

The deal was, every time I went to fill up my car with gas, I had to lift the hood and check the oil.  If the oil level was getting close to that bottom line on the dip stick, I had to purchase some oil and go ahead and put it in.  This was not too difficult, but as a 16 year old girl with places to go and people to see (oh, and the cute boy working at the cash register to flirt with), sometimes the oil didn't get checked.  Well, let's just say that at times, the oil rarely got checked.  And filling up at 1/4 tank?  Ha ha.

Here is the kicker.  Getting caught NOT paying attention to these responsibilities was horrible.  Making the call to dad because I had run out of gas was one of the worst calls I've had to make (I only made that mistake once).  Worse than that though, was once in a while on a Saturday morning I'd head out to the car and who would be standing at the car with the hood up?  Dad.  Ugh.  All I could think was, "Please Lord, let the oil level be ok".  I'd stand there, defeated and guilty, because I had not been checking the oil, and now I'd been caught red handed.

We have so much on our plates these days.  I swear my mind and body just move from one thing to the next, trying to give attention to everyone who needs it, help, feed, show up, volunteer, organize, hug, play, worry, work, give, pay, clean, plan, schedule, drive, drive and drive some more.  At the end of the day when the kids are finally in bed, prayers have been said and lights are off, there are nights that all I can muster is a glass of wine and a click of the TV remote.  The next day, the alarm goes off and I am back at it again.  All of this running takes a toll.

Last night I got together with a handful of women for dinner...women from many different chapters of life.  One of these women (a DINK as I lovingly call her kind...dual income, no kids:) innocently asked me last night, "So, how often do you and your husband get out for date night?  Like, once a month or once every few weeks?"  I stood there, defeated and guilty, because I had not been checking the oil and now I'd been caught red handed.  It was like I was 16 again.

As I fumbled for a cute and witty response, all I could come up with was an uncomfortable remark about needing to be better about those kinds of things.  Really?  All of this scheduling and I can't schedule a little time for my husband?  

How about you?  Are you taking care of yourself?  Checking your oil?  Taking care of your marriage?  Fueling up when your tank hits about 1/4 tank?  We all know what happens when we neglect the oil and the gas tank.  It can be costly.

So, here is my challenge for you this week.  Check your levels, see where you are, and determine what you need to do to fill up.  Your levels might be fine this week, but then make sure to check them again.  And again.  And then again.  Ignoring these will most likely cause some sort of break down, and that's not good for anyone.

Fuel up.  You've got a long road ahead of you.

Tangled.

A trip to Disneyland a few months ago got me thinking about princesses.  Yes, I realize that this is an odd subject for me, as the sole female resident of our house.  The subject of princesses comes up, well, never...and I had to twist some major arms to get my boys to even STAND next to the princesses for a picture.  So, I admit I am not an expert on the subject, but had some thoughts about princesses today.  Work with me here. 


Ever since I was little, I have wanted to be a princess.  There, I said it.  Even now as I get to watch a rare "Princess and the Frog" or "Tangled"... the child inside of me can't help but envy a little bit how beautiful they are...all the time.  Not a flaw on their faces or a hair out of place.  They are always well pressed and have a smile.  Everything is happy and magical and all is well in the world with their ballgowns and beautiful voices.  I imagine these princess' homes... immaculate, decorated beautifully, not an item out of place.  And their cars?  I'm sure it's more of the same... there are no goldfish crackers on the floor,  last week's Target bags still in the back, school papers scattered and definitely no missing sippy cups hidden under the seats.  That would not be acceptable princess behavior. 


Let's compare this to my day to day...there are days that I look in the mirror and cannot BELIEVE that I'd been cruising around town looking like I just rolled out of bed.  In fact, I'll never forget when I was pregnant with my middle boy, running to my doctor's office desperately seeking anti-nausea medication because I was so sick.  I remember coming back out from the office, getting in the car and looking in the rear-view mirror, only to see mascara that had run down my face on both sides...slightly resembling a raccoon.  A princess would have never let that happen.  Never.  And let's not forget my less than patient interaction with my oldest son getting ready for school this morning.  Not even close to sounding like a princess.  Note to self:  work on princess tone. 


Have you ever seen "The Bachelor"?  (Don't judge..guilty pleasure).  It's train-wreck TV.  But I am entertained (and saddened) by these woman who are looking for the "fairy tale".  The "Knight in Shining Armor".  If they could just find him, they could live happily ever after.  Ahhhhh...how I have chased the fairy tale at times in my life.  And,  I self-admittedly still do from time to time.  It is against logic and common sense.  It is against everything I know I believe.   Aren't we programmed though as little girls?  We are inundated with visions of "the fairytale" everywhere we look...from Disney Movies to Vogue, from Shape to Cooking Light...from Style Magazine to the Pottery Barn Catalog.  I guess in reality, as a thirty something mom with 3 kids, I'm not just talking about "the fairytale" being to find the perfect man (I already did honey),  I am talking about finding perfection.   


Now, I wonder why we do this to ourselves?  It is a race with no finish line, it is sitting in front of a piece of Beethoven without having had even one lesson, or being single handedly responsible for solving the National Debt Crisis (insert sarcastic laugh here).   Impossible.  But we still keep running, plunking away at the keys, and punching at our calculators, hopeful for the results we desire.  Exhausting. 


So, I sit here, imperfect. As women, I wish we would all just let down our guards a little bit...I know that I need to.  I wish that we could wear our imperfections like a badge.  I truly believe, that the imperfection is where the beauty is (and where the fun is). 


So, with that said, I wanted to share a quote that a dear friend blurted out last week, "My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be fun".  That's my new motto.   


Let's go and play in the dirt.

There is a Time (and a purpose).

Time.  It is my best friend and my worst enemy.  There is never enough of it.   The time that we do have goes by at lightening speed the older we get.   (Why is that, by the way?)

After an interesting year last year, I have reflected a fair amount on how I spend my time.  I guess the wording is more like, "what time of my life is this?"  My dear friend lost her husband last year, and she was left with three small kids.  These words kept plopping themselves in front of me over and over.  Take a read.. I am sure that you've heard (or sung) them before.

There is an appointed time for everything.  And there is a time for every event under heaven ~

A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted. 

       A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up.
       A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
       A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones;
       A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.

A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep, and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; A time to be silent, and a time to speak.

A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war, and a time for peace.

I realize that I may be interpreting loosely, but I was hit with the thought that these words were like a roadmap.  Yes, it's okay to search now, but there will be a time when it is okay to give up.  Yes, now is the time for mourning, but someday there will be a time to dance again.  Yes, it is okay to keep some things but it is also ok to throw away.  As I've thought about her this year, I've paralleled this to my own life a little bit.  I don't mean to compare my life's journey with hers, but I have been hit with a few "a-ha" moments.

Right now, I am a mom and it is time to grow roots, build up, embrace, teach, love, taxi drive and nurture.  I struggle though, very much, with all of the "should dos".  I should be organizing my closet, I should be working in my office, I should be getting some new clients and growing my business, I should be cleaning out the attic, I should be preparing gourmet dinners for my family every night, I should be exercising more, I should be putting together a detailed financial plan and budgeting spreadsheet.  All of these "should dos" take a mental toll on me, mostly affecting the REAL thing that I should be doing, and that is consciously enjoying every minute with these boys instead of worrying about all the things I'm not doing.  Does this make sense?  Is it just me?

Just as my dear friend might feel like she "should be" healing, it is not time for her to heal yet.  When the mourning is done, then there will be time for something else.  For now though, she needs to be at peace with where she is, and that is purposeful.  The present is purposeful.  On a smaller scale, I have found that I often am not at peace with where I am, because I am too focused on hurrying to move on.  But what do we miss by giving in to the "should dos"?  

The past week, I have made a conscious effort to put all of the things out of my head that weren't going to get done anyway, no matter how much I thought, worried, obsessed and agonized over them.  Turns out, I'm pretty good at blocking these "should dos" out.  The result?  I truly enjoyed my time with the boys that much more.  So, I've decided, this is the chapter of life of nurturing and having a messy closet.  The next chapter will be nurturing and still having a messy closet.


If you come to my house, just don't look in my closet.

Carpools and Cappuccinos: The Prelude.

I can say hands down that raising kids has been the most fun and challenging thing I have done my entire life.  I am a thirty-something mom and business owner surrounded by testosterone.  Literally.  I love all of my boys (ages 9, 7 and almost 2) more than anything, and find a lot of humor in the day-in and day-outs of everyday life.  I adore my family and friends, need coffee, love to sing and play the piano, love restaurants and travelling.  I wish I had a bigger house, a bigger car and a bigger bank account, but have found much happiness in just enjoying what we have and who we have.  I have learned that the key to raising boys is to simply wear them out.  I have learned that I ALWAYS underestimate my kids.  As much as I think I can do it all, I can't.  But I still try....don't we all?

As I perform my daily juggling act, I laugh at myself a little bit.  This is a habit which I have come to embrace...considering that some days my mind is one boggled 'to do' list.  I find more humor in my life as a mom, wife and business owner than I ever did as a teenager (NOTHING was funny back then), college student (a bit of a haze) or 20-Something.  So, I find myself in the predicament of wanting to document the insanity, humor and pure realness of this life that I lead raising my kids.  My audience?  It could only be those of you who are living the same insanity... and can relate to those day to day things that happen that just have to make you laugh.

Have you ever had your 5 year old ask the man in front of you in line at the grocery store if he was having a baby?  (I don't think my face has ever been so red in my life).


Has your child ever taken exactly 2 hours and 12 minutes to chew and swallow one piece of broccoli?  (yes, it's true.)


Have you ever had to untie one of your children from the Christmas Tree?  (you can't make this stuff up.)


What about having one of your boys pull down their pants to relieve themselves on the shore in front of a huge crowd of people on the beach?  (I'm trying to forget that one.)


The list goes on and on (and on).  If you can relate, you and I are living parallel lives...and you just might find some connection with what's written here.

As I post to the blog, I hope that you can have a laugh and then call your girlfriends for a night out or a cup of coffee.  I'm not sure what I would have done without my friends all of these years.  They are a gift...and have helped me stay surprisingly sane.  

With that said, embrace the insanity, and then schedule your pedicure.  I've gotta run, it's way too quiet back in the boy's room...more to come soon!

The 3rd Child...

So, how much more work is the 3rd child?  Turns out....a big leap from 2.  Perhaps I'm a little shell shocked at the fact that it has been 5 years since I've had a baby, maybe it is that I have actually aged these past few years and as my doctor reminded me, "you know you're not 25 anymore...", or maybe this extra 15+ extra pounds I'm carrying around is WEIGHING ME down.  I am constantly amazed at the lack of things that get done in the 15 hours a day that I am awake.   I have become better through the years at admitting that I can't do it all, that I need help, and that it's ok if everything isn't perfect.  It's ok, right?

I can't help hearing circus music in my head as I go about my daily activities at times.  It has become my theme song.  You know what I mean...you've heard it...I know you have.  (Please say yes or this will officially confirm that in fact, I am going crazy).  I have decided to embrace the circus and perfect my circus routine just as much as I can.  The juggling routine is coming along pretty good, and the balancing act is close to perfect, but the show clean up could use a little help.  I need to work on the costumes and makeup at times, but trust me, when it's showtime, this girl knows how to make herself look presentable in about 10 minutes flat.  This is a skill I have perfected over the nine years of being a mother (and some crazy curly hair that looks pretty good in a pony tail).

So, when life is getting you down and the "to do" list is getting too long, try to spend the time on what you can control...the rest will follow.  Maybe there will be a new song to accompany you when the time comes (maybe something really hip with a good rhythm).  In the meantime, head to Stomp with a girlfriend and have a glass of wine.  Somehow, that always seems to make everything better:)

Yoga

I applaude you all who are fans of yoga.  If you are anything like those I watched today, you deserve a standing ovation even.  I hesitantly accepted an invitation from a dear friend who invited me to a yoga class this morning.  Frankly, had it been anyone else, I probably would have declined.

Where do I start?  I know.  This was the most expensive class I have ever taken.  I have been paying for this gym membership for a year and a half...and this is the first time I have gone.  Yes, Crunch's dream come true.  Don't judge.

Second...this is the most stretching I've done since dropping out of California Gold Gymnastics when I was about 9.

I'd like to think I am pretty coordinated.  I can hold my own most of the time...you know...fit in..not draw too much attention to myself.  Well, it turns out, I stand out like a sore thumb in yoga.  I can only equate watching me actually try yoga to fingernails on a chalkboard to the instructor...she couldn't morally live with herself to not come and try to help me, in some way.   In addition, it didn't help that the only spot left after dropping off my 9 month old and the gym daycare for the first time was under a BRIGHT spotlight.  Perfect.  Keri in the spotlight...doing Yoga.

I successfully finished the class....well, to me, finishing the class was a success.  I am not-so-anxiously awaiting tomorrow when I'll be so sore I can't move.  I'm not sure if yoga and I got off to a great start...the jury is out.